Check out America's New Phone Plan!

It's way better than the old plan our founding fathers set us up with. (You know, the one where warrantless spying wasn't permitted.)

The FISA Retroactive Immunity Package gives you a sleek new phone, all the free minutes you need and the flexibility the government needs to get around your Fourth Amendment rights. Best of all—NO ROAMING CHARGES, even if you are sent to Gitmo!